NEW DELHI — Expressing deep betrayal at the atmosphere's lack of commitment to national water infrastructure, officials announced Tuesday that they are preparing to be entirely caught off guard by a forecasted weak monsoon.

Despite decades of government pledges regarding long-term irrigation projects, internal data confirms the state still relies on seasonal clouds to handle 60% of its agricultural watering needs. "It is deeply irresponsible of the sky to lower its output when we have explicitly factored normal rainfall into our economic projections," said a ministry spokesperson, reviewing contingency blueprints that consist primarily of blaming the meteorological department for upcoming food inflation.

Records indicate the government was similarly astonished by atmospheric realities in 2014, when an El Niño-driven deficit led to widespread crop damage, and again in 2023, which resulted in an unforeseen 1.5% dip in agricultural growth. To address the impending shortfall, the ministry has reportedly instructed large landowners with private water facilities and agribusiness speculators to prepare to benefit immensely from the impending scarcity pricing.

"We are monitoring the situation closely and treating this predictable recurring event as an unprecedented historical crisis," the spokesperson added, solemnly looking up at a perfectly clear blue sky as if waiting for it to submit a revised infrastructure proposal.