NEW DELHI — The Central government has clarified that its recent eviction notices to prominent Lutyens’ Delhi clubs, citing 'public purpose' and 'strengthening of defence infrastructure,' are not, as skeptics might suggest, a thinly veiled attempt to erect '20-storey buildings' on the city's last remaining green spaces. A High Court bench, apparently unfamiliar with modern defence strategies, had previously warned that Delhi would 'suffocate and die' if such intentions were realized.

Officials emphasized that the sudden requirement for valuable land, including the sprawling Delhi Gymkhana Club and Indian Polo Club, has absolutely nothing to do with their prime location. This urgent need for security, which remained undetected for 42 years since the Prime Minister's residence relocated nearby in 1984, is now paramount. A spokesperson underlined that the government’s 2020 takeover of the Delhi Gymkhana Club, also citing 'public interest' and 'governance issues,' was merely a preliminary step in this long-term security enhancement plan.

Responding to concerns about environmental impact, an anonymous official explained that while the city grapples with severe pollution, the 'defence requirements' would somehow miraculously bypass the laws of physics that govern 'green lungs.' The government's consistent track record of using 'public interest' as a pretense for acquiring prime properties, often followed by legal challenges and questions about actual intent, should inspire confidence, not suspicion.

The swift deadlines attached to the eviction notices, requiring possession by early June, were described as a demonstration of efficiency, ensuring that the critical 'defence' objectives are met without unnecessary bureaucratic delays. The specific nature of these defence installations, and why they require heritage club premises rather than, for instance, existing military land, remains classified, presumably for national security.