NEW DELHI — The Supreme Court has sought a report on an attempted murder case filed in Vaishali, Bihar in 1989, confirming Tuesday that the 34-year judicial delay was finally being addressed because the matter performed exceptionally well on social media algorithms.

"We currently have over 4.7 crore cases pending across the Indian legal system," a registry official explained while defending the timeline. "It is completely unreasonable to expect the highest court to notice a three-decade-old filing unless it achieves significant organic reach and prompts a widespread public relations crisis."

While no systemic reforms or accountability measures have been announced for the 34 years of inaction, the swift threat of a "suo motu" hearing successfully demonstrated the judiciary's commitment to intervening the exact moment a systemic failure is broadcast to millions of smartphone users.

The official strongly advised citizens involved in the remaining 4.7 crore pending cases to pivot away from traditional legal filings and focus on short-form video content, noting that a well-edited reel could reduce wait times by up to three decades.